Why do I get up in the morning...

A question that I've heard on lot in job interviews is the title of this blog: What gets you up in the morning? It's an interesting question with a variety of interpretations. As I've thought more about this, my answer would have to be: Irony. I truly love those moments of irony, moments of poetic justice, moments that make you say "noooooooo, seriously?"

Example 1: Three years ago Professor Blackwell, longtime businessman and entrepreneur, was indicted for insider trading (among other things). In order to testify he had to get a substitute teacher to lecture his business ethics class.
Delicious.

Example 2: In high school, Johnson's American Lit class. There was some discussion about the differences between men and women and...let's call her Betty...Betty raises her hand and says "Boys always generalize."

Example 3: This morning, I get a new pair of scissors from the department supply closet. However, the tag is attached to one of the loops in the handle. Attached with thick cardboard bound to itself with a big brass button. The cardboard is so thick that I cannot tear, pry, gnaw or bribe it off. That's right, in order to remove this tag I would need...a pair of scissors. Ahhh lovely.


Tell me some of the great ironies you've experienced recently and we shall revel in the beauty.

it's so easy bein' green...

I just signed up for AEP Ohio's Green Pricing Option. I pay a little more on my electric bill per month (only about $3), and this enables me to purchase 4 blocks (400 kilowatt hours) of renewable energy. It's not like they're hooking my apartment up to a wind turbine or anything, but from here on out, I am, in a sense, using only renewable energy to power my little domicile! Horray!

https://www.aepohio.com/news/releases/viewrelease.asp?releaseID=447

Who would have thought it was that easy?!?

-SP

p.s. all the profits for the green pricing option go into creating more sustainable energy options.

I can see a trend...

Should this blog become a repository for all the wacky stuff that I encounter whilst teaching? Perhaps.
Exhibit A: an email I received last night from a student I had about 2 years ago.
I've copied the email below but I've X'd out the student's name...keep in mind everything between the lines is one email.

---

Dear.Peter Sprangers

Hello.
This is XXXXX who was your student at 2006, spring.
I think you are still teaching stat 135. Right??
I transfered to another school, far away from OSU.
I want to transfer stat 135 to my current school. But this school require me to bring stat135 syllabus. I checked online, but I can just see the "basic syllabus". But, I need to see detail.

Dear, peter..
I am so sorry for asking this kind of thing to you.
But I need your help. You are only one who can save my life.
Could you send me e-mail with stat 135 syllabus attached??
Please..I do not want to take stat class again. It was so horrible,,difficult..
Please..help me out..
Thank you very much.

Have a good day.
XXXXX

---

Awesome. So I send the student a copy of our current syllabus, a feat which takes me approximately 3 and a half minutes. Her response:

---

Thank you for kindness.
I appreciate..
Have a good weekend.
God bless you~
XXXXX

---

Me, saving lives since 2005. Sprocketplug out.

Why I'm a bad professor....part 2...

Student writes:

Would you say that the problems that we did on Wednesday are about the same difficulty and type as the ones on the exam?

Thanks,
Jeff



I respond:

The review on Wednesday was a subtle machination to lull you into a false sense of security. The actual exam will cover such topics as: 16th Century French politics, the efficacy of NSAIDs after anthroscopic surgery, and the life and times of Mannie Davis, director of the 1956 cartoon Heckel and Jeckel.

Cheers,

Peter



I'm a dick.

Why I'm a bad professor...

Me: ...so this pdf is defined for values of theta between 0 and positive infinity.

Student: Why can't theta be negative?

Me: Because that would cause a collision between time and anti-time resulting in the obliteration of our universe.

Student: ...

Me: Moving on. The expected value of this pdf....

Told you...

Slashdot.org Article

I'm not mentioned for security reasons.

-SP

Where have I been?

A whole month without posting???? I bet you're dying to know what I've been doing. Three words: human animal hybrids.

Using advanced statistical modeling and lasers I have done the impossible. Stay tuned for more information.

Also, if anyone has been watching Fox news it looks like they're gearing up to support a war with Iran. I, myself, think middle east wars are becoming a bit passé, but what do I know.

Safe journey spacefans, wherever you are.

-SP

More news for nerds...

From Slashdot
"Researchers have released a new paper on quantum computing theorizing how to use optically controlled electrons to make an ultrafast quantum computer. From the article, 'Scientists have designed a scheme to create one of the fastest quantum computers to date using light pulses to rotate electron spins, which serve as quantum bits. This technique improves the overall clock rate of the quantum computer, which could lead to the fastest potentially scalable quantum computing scheme of which the scientists are aware.'"

This seems like a fairly dubious honor. Seeing as scientists have yet to make quantum computer that can do more than factor the number 6, it seems silly to give credit to a person who has theorized the fastest quantum computer. That's like having a debate with Mr. Gubbins that goes something like this.

SP: I have an idea. What if we could make a toaster oven that also could spontaneously rearrange matter. For instance, we could use lasers or something to turn a banana into a 1984 Delorean.
Gubbins: Yeah, but what if the toaster could also play music from local radio stations.
SP: Wow. Your theoretical toaster is better than mine. I acquiesce.

is all that we see or seem...

My dream last night:

I was a paraplegic Billy D. Williams fighting a group of Satan worshippers, posing as a travelling ultimate frisbee team. The Satan worshippers were stealing fetuses and burying them near the stands of the ultimate frisbee fields. I caught the lead worshipper and killed him using a mining pick.
Then I was in a large convention that turned out to be a very odd game of football in which both sides continually changed costume. At one point my dad and stepmom were dressed as klingons and i was in a barbershop quartet with joe uphoff, chris foot, and who i think was kevin leville.

Don't ask me, I have no freaking clue.

-SP

This is not a good idea...

Posted on Slashdot.org
"Robots have been roaming Iraq, since shortly after the war began. Now, for the first time — the first time in any war zone — the 'bots are carrying guns. The SWORDS robots, armed with M249 machine guns, "haven't fired their weapons yet," an Army official says. "But that'll be happening soon." The machines have actually been ready for a while, but safety concerns kept them off the battlefield. Now, the robots have kill switches, so "now we can kill the unit if it goes crazy," according to the Army. I feel safer already."

Have we learned NOTHING from the Terminator movies? Or 2001: A Space Odyssey? Or Short Circuit? wait...that one ended o.k., but other than that you're just begging for a robot rebellion. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to be put into a vat of purple ooze and used as a biological battery or hunted for sport by mechanical overlords...laughing with those horrible tinny voices, laughter like the sound metal scraping against metal, their expression of joy not unlike a low speed car crash.

What do you think, my friends? Are you ready to join me in the resistance!

-SP

World War Z

91%

Extra Credit

On my final exam I gave my students an extra credit problem:
"If Peter started a band, what would his band name be?"

here is a not-so-random sample of responses:

Stat-tastical Avenger Force

The Extraploators

Whitesnake (although i think this name is taken)

The Probabilities

Sprangers and the Null Hypotheses

SP Rangers

Madrak and the Holy Rollers (someone I told I play world of warcraft)

Sprangers and the Back Row Bandits




that is all.

-SP

Aim for the head.

Well, my friend Tison and I decided to catch the late showing of "28 Weeks Later." the sequel to the popular horror/survival film "28 Days Later." The original film, 28 days, is remarkably well done. It was a new spin on the zombie genre and fairly artistic while being extremely intense and provocative.
28 Weeks Later takes place, you guessed it, 28 weeks after the initial outbreak of the Rage virus. A virus that turns normal people in hyper-violent man-eaters with complete disregard to bodily hygeine. Here's the kicker, unlike the lumbering, groaning, reanimated corpses of George A. Romero's classic, those infected with Rage are fast, nimble, and often silent. The other kicker is that rage is extremely contagious (through blood and saliva) and symptoms present literally seconds after infection. So there's the setup. At the end of 28 days later, we see that the infected, although vicious, are stupid. They eventually die of starvation and 28 weeks later, the US military has arrived to clean up the mess. (Marines to the rescue!). They've quarantied and cleansed Dogs Island (Britain) and have begun rehabitation. Here's my favorite head slapping moment of the film.
The virus becomes active again after a woman is found who has partial immunity to the disease. They determine that she's a carrier just in time for her to infect one person and thus renew the great epidemiological bloodfest. So, the klaxon's blaze the words "Code Red" are yelled by important looking people in uniforms and the Marines rush in to..."save the day." I use the quotes because, apparently, part of the quarantine procedure is to shove hundreds of people into tiny rooms so that they're standing shoulder to shoulder, lock the front door with chains, and leave the back door wide open for zombies to run through. Oh, but before that, they turn off all the lights. Who's the military genius who came up with this plan? My reconstruction of that dialogue

Jim: What about the civilians, Sir? What should we do with them in the event of an outbreak.
Joe: Well, we want to keep them calm and protected. So let's crowd them into a room, not tell them what's going on, leave the entrances unguarded, lock the front entrance but leave the door leading to the infected zone unlocked.
Jim: That seems like a bad idea, Sir.
Joe: You're right, we should turn off all the lights too.

PAH! I'm going to make a survival film where the protagonists make intelligent decisions at every turn! I mean, they'll still die, but that's what will make it even more frightening. I hate the let's-see-what's-in-the-basement mentality so prevalent among braless babysitters during blackouts.

final word: rent the original. it's great. avoid the sequal.

In good company

What's so special about May 14th?
It's not just my birthday, it's also the birthday of George lucas, the anniversary of the founding of Jamestown Colony, the anniversary of the first human test of the smallpox vaccine, and the day that Lewis and Clark began their now famous expedition across the American frontier.

Huzzah! A happy day indeed.

-SP

Senatus Populusque Romae

I love this show.

Admitting Defeat....

I would like to admit defeat.

The windows operating system has finally won in the international market. I just read that Microsoft has just sold it's 244th copy of Windows vista in China. That's right, two weeks after it's release, the 1.3 billion people living in China have shown their unwavering support of the Vista platform. At this rate, we expect Windows vista to sell over THREE HUNDRED copies by next week. That's about 1 copy of Vista for every 4.3 million people.

Well done, Microsoft........well done.

-SP


source: http://slashdot.org/articles/07/04/18/1512216.shtml

Kurt Vonnegut, in memoriam.

Kurt Vonnegut passed away early this morning. He was a tremendously gifted and prolific author. If you haven't read him, you should consider yourself a horrible, horrible person. Check out Slaughterhouse Five, God Bless You Mrs. Rosewater, or Sirens of Titan.

Peace,

SP

Florida...

Spring break was fantastic. The best part was seeing my family. Brother pictured below.


Brother, Dad, and Stepmom pictured below.

Also, I have been reading Far From the Madding Crowd, by Thomas Hardy. It's simply brilliant. It's not the quickest read, mostly because Hardy describes all his scenes with indelible scrutiny...and usually in an altogether novel way. It's a story about unrequited love, passion, and the social mores that keep us in a state of constant frustration. I'm not finished, but I would recommend it without hesitation.

-SP

words words words....

Entropy

There is snow outside.
Yesterday it was finally 65 degrees and today
there is snow outside. This is
Winter's little trick. The day
before was a chunk of meat
atop a benign looking pile of
leaves. We, starving, ran up to
feast and THWWWIP, the trap
springs and we're left hanging
upside down. Winter jumps
out from behind a tree and
laughs and
laughs.
Our faces turn red,
but it is not from embarrassment,
for who can judge a starving man?

And so I watch the snow fall
my face so close to the window I
can feel the cold radiating from
the glass.
But that's not right, is it?
Mr. Wolters taught us that heat and
energy are equivalent.
Heat is energy, energy is heat
and that energy travels from
a source to a sink.
Energy flows from higher concentrations
to lower concentrations.
So the cold doesn't radiate to my face-
the heat of my face leaves me for the window.

the lovely energy in my flesh, so eager to
join in the cosmic dance of entropy.

And so death,
the ultimate void,
the ultimate cold,
must, by definition, not come for us.
We must go to death.
We must kindly stop for him.
We must release our hold on this
magnificently ordered body and
join the vast, unselfish, unwanting darkness.

New Post!

This is a new post!

If you play world of Warcraft (or even if you don't) you should check our guild's new website. The Praetores Lucis.

More updates on the life of Sprocketplug coming soon.

Late breaking news...

So here's what's happening in my life:

1. I broke up with Melanie.

2. I was offered a full time lecturing position with the Ohio State University Statistics Department.

I have thought long and hard about it and I've decided to take the job. I can work full time and take classes casually to work towards my Ph.D. I really like the faculty at OSU and they seem to like me. It is virtually unprecidented for someone with "only" a masters degree to be offered a full time lecturing position, so I am extremely honored by their high consideration of me.

I know that I told most of you I was going to move back to Minnesota, but this opportunity is too good to pass up. As a small consolation, I'll be able to afford more trips back.
You all are, of course, always welcome to come visit me.

So that's that.

Good Night, And Good Luck.

I just finished watching Good Night, And Good Luck. I saw it in the theater as well, and after this viewing I was as moved as the first time.
I was moved by the eloquence and integrity of Mr. Murrow. I was moved by the strength and resolve of his team and by the bravery shown by all involved. I turned off the film and thought about the media of the 21st century. I thought of organizations like Fox News whose slogan "We report, you decide." is as bitter as it is ironic. I thought of all those persecuted by tyrants who try to make synonymous the words "dissenting" and "disloyal." Lastly, I thought of our current administration whose foreign and domestic policy seems to be based on a teleological suspension of the ethical. Watching a simple press conference leaves me stultified, pondering how lies can be told so audaciously, doublespeak used so frequently, and fear harnessed so effectively that we, the american public, applaud and approve of our own subjugation.
But the message of the film was not despair. It was, in fact, hope. Hope that even one who is attacked from on high has the right and ability to defend himself. That those who brandish their authority are not indisputable and not immune to the power of reason. Those who use deception and misinformation as weapons will ultimately find themselves impotent against the avatars of truth.

-SP

&pi

Hi Everyone! First of, let me say that I love you all. Second of all let me say that I baked a chocolate pie (pictured below).


Third, and last of all, let me show you a picture of my car. It's a ford focus zx5. I love her. She takes me all the way. I'm thinking about naming her Evelyn (Evie for short). Any ideas for alternative names?

I still haven't named my motorcycle.

Holidays

Well, the holidays have come and gone. I started my new job working as a lecturer at Columbus State Community College (www.cscc.edu). It's going really well so far. I like teaching. I'd like to thank all my buddies who housed, fed, and entertained me in MN. In particular thanks to mr. and mrs. Fast Eddie and mr. and mrs. Gubbins.

Peace and Love

Sprocketplug