The House

We all have a story from our childhood involving the House. A house that earned it's proper noun status from all the stories in which it was the main character. Depending on your group of friends it could have been the derelict ranch at the end of an undeveloped cul-de-sac or the two story brick home occupied by the old, reclusive veteran. Beautifully maintained or blistered, pock-marked exterior. This House earned its attention and respect through the years. A parent's vague warning turned into a litany of sinister tales. "Don't go near that old house." transformed into "My dad said that someone was murdered there." Each child's story of what happened in the House a tale of his deepest fears. The House becoming a blank canvas on which our imaginations splatter painted everything that terrified us. Were we closer to an age when reason took the reigns from the ape within, we would have seen how we belied our true fears with the projections we threw against that House.
How Donnie told of a ghost with features similar to his father. The broken blood vessels of the nose and cheeks, the hot, sickly sweet breath as he rage-whispered "what did you just say, you little shit", the stumbling down hallways, reaching out, hands clawed in a rictus, his grip like the mouth of a snake.
Or Alex, saying he walked by the house last week and heard the long, tortured wail of a young girl who died of neglect. Her face seen behind the off-white lace curtains in the upper bedroom. Alex, who broke his arm while trying to slide down the basement steps in a sleeping bag, and had to wait three hours until his parents came home from the matinee. "We'll get him a babysitter next time."
After we all jostled by shouting above the others "Well *I* heard that the rats chewed them down to their bones." "No no no, *I* heard that the clown they hired was actually a maniac who has just escaped from the insane asylum."
Then there was Joe. After we had all thrown out our incredulous accounts of murder and hauntings, we turned to the one boy who had yet to proffer a theory. When he started he spoke so quietly that we all had to lean in to hear him. He kept his hands neatly folded on his lap throughout the entire tale. His voice never wavered and he spoke evenly, never rushing. This is what Joe told us happened in the House.

HI EVERYBODY!

So I went into a CVS looking to get a passport photo. I walk through the door and a female employee is checking out another customer. She looks up and says "Hello! Can I help you?" and I say. "Hello! Do you take passport photos here?" to which she replied "Well, while I was on medical leave the camera got stolen because I work with GENIUSES and they left it laying around." So I said "Ok....so...bye then." Because that's a lot of gratuitous narrative packed into a single sentence...

It follows (MEGA SPOILER ALERT)

Plot holes:

1) Girl at the beginning. Why doesn't she run more? Too scared? Out of Gas? Why does she stop on the beach?

2) Dude1 has the clearest and most in depth understanding of the infection phenomenon. How does he know all of the details? He said he got it from a one night stand? Who was the girl in the beginning of the film? Maybe he has infected many girls and it keeps coming back to him after it kills them.

Goes on a date in a movie theater where his back will be to the door for the whole performance and it will be dark. This seems to be the worst strategy when followed by this entity.

He infects the girl then explains what it is. Why does he have to tie her up? Why can't he explain (perhaps remorsefully) or put her in a situation where they both can see the walker, but no one else can. Why doesn't he stay with her until she infects somewhere else?

Why would he just go back to his home town? If she can't transfer it and it kills her, it'll just come back after him...and he won't know if/when it's coming. that should drive him BANANAS. 

Suppose the thing can walk at a fairly good clip, say 3 miles per hour. Say it cannot take any other mode of transportation and always takes the most direct route to its victim. The kids take a car and drive for what appears to be some length of time, say, 6 hours. Let's say they average 50 miles per hour for 6 hours. That's 50mph *6h = 300 miles. The walker would take 300 miles/3mph =100 hours to reach them. That's 4 days. It seems to catch up much faster. Has anyone thought of taking a goddamn airplane? Let's say I fly to Stockholm, Sweden. that's about 4258.2 Miles. The walker is gonna take about 60 days to get there. Say you infected someone there, then it has to kill that person then walk all the way back. Boom. that's 4 months you just bought yourself. Now, the best thing would be to infect an airline pilot or a flight attendant. Shit, even a cruise boat captain. ASTRONAUT??? Walk to the International Space Station, MOTHERFUCKER!

But I digress...

Why did she infect the people on the boat? What good would that do? Did she feel any remorse for killing (indirectly) those people or that person?

Why did they think they could kill it with electrocution when a gaping bullet wound to the neck only slowed it for a second. Why did they think that electrocution thing would work. those looked like really heavy doors, did they think about trapping it down there? Would it show up on surveillance video? Only to the person infected? 

Ways to get everyone on your side/believing you.

1) Lead the walker through flour on the floor. Set up infrared cameras. Video tape the walker breaking shit. Show footage of you smacking the thing with something. Wrap it in a towel again or throw paint on it. 

It has to crawl through the gap in the door, it can't teleport. Lure it into a lockbox or cage.

Injuring it can stun it or stop it for a while, i.e. bullet to the head. Knock it out and drag it into a cage. Cover it in paint or flour so everyone can see it. 

What mechanism makes it selectively invisible? 

Different Paths

While my best friend was helping usher his third son into the world, I was drinking vodka redbulls and singing Karaoke with 7 women.

Welcome to planet earth, Oliver Olaf Nelson, you were born into one of the best families for which you could have hoped. Your Crazy Uncle Peter will be your friend and ally from your first day to my last.

...now where did I put that advil?