From the time I was a little boy I always imagined what it would be like to have my house filled with water. Not in the flash flood/my life is ruined, kind of way. I just wondered what it would feel like to swim through my.....
UGH!
I just got stuck in a 20 minute "conversation" with my neighbor. She has two dogs Bella and Petey. I have my back door opened to get a breeze and I heard her say "Peter?" I thought she was talking to her dog, but then a minute later I heard her say "Hey Peter?" so I poked my head out and said, "Marci? Are you talking to me?" and she said "No, my dog. But how are you?"
Now, I try to avoid my neighbor because although she is nice and well intentioned she communicates as though most of her brain has been burned away by a decades long addiction to crystal meth...probably because as far as I can tell her brain has been burned away by a decades long addiction to crystal meth.
She talks and she talks and she wanders from one subject to another, so "we" start out talking about her day and how she was cleaning houses with her daughter (who is pretty cool) and then I get to learn about her former 80 year old boyfriend in cleveland who retired at 51 and I get to hear about how she loves the jewish community up there because they are such big tippers during Christmas.
Me: "You mean Hanukah?"
Marci: "What?"
Me: "Well, the Jews usually-."
Marci: "And you know we used to clean houses of all the rich doctors and they didn't live in really nice neighborhoods and my son is going to fix my car because someone hit my car when it was parked on the street and..."
And so I stand and watch her little dogs bound around our shared backyard and I listen for the slightest pause so I can say "I really need to get back in..." but there is no such pause. The woman must be circularly breathing or something. I just can't interrupt people, at least not people I don't know very well. When telemarketers call, when greenpeace comes knocking at my door... as long as they keep talking I keep listening.
Eventually I get a word in and tell her I have to go back inside to do school work.
Marci: "Oh Sure, I understand."
Peter opens his door and gets one foot inside.
Marci: "So how is school, you acing everything?"
Peter: "Yep, school is going very well. Well goodnight!"
Marci: "How much do you have left before you graduate."
Peter: "Probably a couple of years. Have a nice night."
Marci: "That's great. Are you ready to....
UGH. Finally I have to interrupt her. I apologize profusely but I REALLY have to get some more work done. She stares at me blankly and I take this as my cue to run inside and throw the deadbolt.
I will never, ever try crystal meth.
