It's spring break here in buckeye country and I'm sure you're all wondering what's going on in the life of one Sigmund J. Sprocketplug.
The quarter ended fairly uneventfully, but it marks the last quarter of full time "real" classes. I'll need to take one or two more electives over the next year, but other than that it's just reading classes and dissertation credits (provided I pass my second qualifier).
About that, I take my second qualifier, which should be much less scary than the first, in August. Please send well wishes to sprocketplug@catlovers.com
The biggest news of the moment comes from the realm of personal finance.
March was an expensive month for me mostly due to the crazy amount of money I owe(d) the United States government. I learned that my cocaine habit was not tax deductible and neither was the interest on my Faberge egg collection. Really, though, it was the fact that I do some freelance textbook editing and the publisher doesn't take out taxes before paying me.
I also got a speeding ticket in Indiana while on my way to Chicago to hear Free Energy rock the pants off some party people.
On top of that, during my last dental appointment, my DDS told me that my jaw is funny. It's a problem I've lived with my entire adult life
You see, when I bite down, my molars don't touch on the right side. Meaning I can only chew food on the left side of mouth. The dentist huffed and puffed a little and I was kind of "meh" but then he mentioned that over time I might develop arthritis in my jaw. Now, I'm not a doctor, but jaw arthritis doesn't sound like much fun. So I scheduled an appointment with ye ole apothecaries down at OSU orthodontics. A dental grad student looked in my mouth and said "your teeth don't touch on the right side of your mouth." Then an orthodontic resident looked in my mouth and said "your teeth don't touch on the right side of your mouth." Then an orthodontic specialist looked in my mouth and said "you have appendicitis." Then a nurse leaned over and whispered something in his ear and then he said, "your teeth don't touch on the right side of your mouth." He checked a little box that said "SURGERY" and sent me to a woman who told me how much I get to pay for them to break, saw, move, and screw my jaw. Spoiler: It's a lot of money.
Inspired by that wonderful christmas tale, The Gift of the Magi, I'm going to sell all my teeth to pay for my jaw surgery. They'll just grow back, right?
If I do get the surgery, it'll probably happen this summer. If/When that occurs I will be sure to blog about the whole experience. This will include audio recordings of what it sounds like when you try to sing "Surrey with a fringe on top" with your jaw wired shut. Before and after x-rays. Pictures of the slivers of left over adamantium that weren't used in the reconstruction process.
